Tracing the Motherline for Strong, Intergenerational Relationships

I hear the sweetness in her voice and I see the firmness in her stance with a smirk or a smile that asks a challenging question or offers a subtle affirmation - all depending on the time of day. If the time of day called for empathy, then empathy it was, and if tough love was in order, then we knew what time of day it was. Granny had a way of saying the worst thing in the nicest way and the most complimentary #facts in the most critical and thought provoking manner that can make one contemplate questions beyond the surface of the issue at hand. She did not mix matters, yet acknowledged the critical aspects of each position to produce a just and wise response to her own dilemmas and the situations and shenanigans brought forth by those who trusted her keen insight and sharp tongue with their sincerity, pursuit of truth, mishaps, idiosyncrasies, pretenses and offenses. Whatever the need was in her life or a neighbor’s it was “Granny to the Rescue” as long as it was warranted and a platform to help someone who sincerely wanted to rise above their circumstance - she didn’t have time to waste and she knew the worth of her treasures. On the average day, there was someone at her door relaying what “Mama” requested from her cupboard or refrigerator - only to deliver even if it were her last, and every holiday time there were fruit cakes, sweetbread and pone decorating the table tops only for a short time until a member of each neighborhood family showed up to claim their dearly beloved treat. Granny was a leader in her own right - the “community matriarch” that would bend over backwards in order to move forward in any given circumstance.

Born in 1916 to Phillipa (I don’t recall her father’s name because she never spoke about him much though he was present in her life until he passed), Uris Carmen Frith was the only girl out of nine boys, including two who died during childbirth, and at a very young age, became responsible for her brothers who referred to her as “Tanty Uris” although they were older in age and majority in gender. But it was the special love that she beheld for her brothers and the mama bear protection of the cave that was misconstrued by many as “enabling”. They didn’t know and couldn’t understand the secret sauce of giving a man a fish while teaching him to fish so that he doesn’t have to endure compounded suffering “just because”. Wisdom provided direction to know when to, why to, how to, and she relied heavily on accounts from most would say Solomon, but she would say Rehab, Ruth, Deborah and Esther to name a few of the female Biblical giants of their time. Nonetheless, her brothers all grew up with a clear sense of who they were, what they wanted to be and how they were going to achieve their goals - and they did just that! 

Meanwhile, their Tanty Uris found love in Cyrenius when he simultaneously found love in her. Was it her talents that were appealing? After all, she was the top seamstress in Tobago back in her day and she was additionally quite known for her culinary skills. She didn’t keep these talents for herself, however. So was it her compassion, grace, benevolence? Was it the balance between being sassy and saved? Whatever it was, be it lost, stolen or forgotten, Daddy Durley, as he was called by his ten grandchildren, didn’t seem to desire Uris any longer after she left Tobago with her six children to create a different life in Trinidad than she lived. She departed without any negotiations regarding their assets - the house, a quarry used for business purposes, donkeys and other properties that weren’t being used for any particular purpose. They both never dated or remarried, and it was quite ironic that he transitioned into eternity on her birthday in 1989, my first year of High School. Although Daddy Durley was the first family member to pass away in our generation, it felt like Granny’s death was the first, considering the woman she was to her children, grandchildren and fellow community members. I’m curious about the fact that he never solicited a divorce. Perhaps, his singular attachment through marriage was enough to sustain his whole self?

Granny knew how to save and multiply her finances. My first introduction to economics was on her weekly trips to the market. One would imagine that it is standard to visit the market with an empty basket and full purse while returning home with a full basket and empty purse, however, Granny challenged the status quo by heading to market with a full basket filled with her famous baked goods which she balanced on her head with a full purse of money tucked away in her bosom. She left her house with a full basket and money bag only to return home with an exchange of goods (products and prudence) while her dollars had only decreased minutely because she was only charged by those she didn’t know - mostly new vendors who she came to know in time. And it wasn’t to get over on anyone - it all started with her generosity and developed into a modern-day bartering system, connecting community with community, hence the servant-leadership she may or may not have known she was fostering.

My mother followed in her fashion design/creation and culinary crafts. Most family members thought I would follow suit. Instead I applied her consistent advice about being/not being a follower to an area of life that she didn’t include in her “training up” of her children and grandchildren, and I am encouraged to know that I was supported in creating my own path. Afterall, she practiced what she preached as further evidenced in her independence from Cyrenius emotionally, financially, physically/sexually, and spiritually. I never observed my grandmother pursuing and entertaining men to meet her needs, yet I can attest to the fact that she maintained healthy relationships with men of all ages. In fact, to testify of her ability to manage her relationship with men without harboring any bitterness from her personal experiences, Granny embraced and “saved” a teenage, young man from our neighborhood who was written off as “good for nothing”. His nickname was that of a Calypsonian who was not known for his “good looks” but in fact quite the opposite according to society. He was characterized by his “potty mouth” and I recall being afraid to walk past him for fear of being insulted prior to Granny calling him one day and having the warmest heart-to-heart that was in complete opposition to what he knew, who he knew and how he made meaning of his life’s circumstances. His mother had migrated to New York, just like my mom, and his older siblings, two sisters and a brother, didn’t provide the care he deserved only to leave him up to the brutal ways of the streets.

As I reflect, Granny was essentially applying her lived experiences to her understanding and interconnectedness of someone else’s world because she, too, had a daughter whose children were “left behind” in preparation to propel them forward. That young man could have been my brother, who after getting to know him we discovered they both shared a severe struggle with asthma. Granny also ensured he saw the doctor and was given the right medicines just like she did for my brother. In a short span of time, his insults became insights to tasteful comedy and we all witnessed one’s ability to transform by choice - by being better when one knows better. Granny also enrolled him in a private trade school to where she one day showed up unannounced after receiving word that his behavior and investment were declining. With her walking stick and all, she showed up. She taught us that showing up for what’s (or matter of fact, who’s) important is a requirement for success and successful relationships. We learned that most of the time, the bells and whistles aren’t necessary to make a fashion statement - an area she had mastered - her vocation. She sewed (sowed) with love, giving people her best, creative garments and advice as they brought their wows and woes to her (a tradition we still see today in hair salons and other cosmetic services). She gave her all, not wasting her time, talent and treasures on idleness and idle minds, but planting seeds on fertile soil where there was bound to be a harvest for the Kingdom. She understood that the harvest was plenty, and like Elisha, was the best farmer she could be in that season of her life until she was called to another level in retirement. She lived to see the fruit of her labor in her son’s self-made multi-million dollar business making and selling ice cream that he watched her make on Sundays for her children and grandchildren. She knew her passion in business was in fashion and the wisdom her children gleaned from her allowed him to take her hobby and establish a hub that would delight people of all ages from the 1980s to this present day. Though Mama’s ice-cream is a household name, he too called her Granny - there’s just something about that name.

As a very young girl, I wondered if my grandmother preferred my brother more than me. That was short lived. As I carefully observed her words and actions, I realized they aligned quite well and they were indeed who she knew she was and was perceived to be by those who took the time to study her well enough to read between the lines of her daily experiences and efforts. These observations ushered me into understanding what we refer today as “Love Languages”. I was independent, my brother not as much. We both had our strengths and areas for growth and Granny recognized that - loving us the way we needed and desired to be loved. I learned not to compare my experiences to others because I didn’t have all of the details, and even if I did, it wasn’t for me to dibble-dabble in and gripe about because I had the power to choose my own path. As I analyze my Granny’s life’s locomotion and legacy, and as I further explore our readings and class discussions thus far, with particular emphasis on “Wisdom Rocked Steady”, I am reminded of our “ foremothers’ ” perspectives and trajectories of freedom and power as pertained to wisdom, and I’m drawn to scripture that speaks to the power that we behold. Hebrews 2: 5 KJV declares, “For unto the angels hath he not put in subjection the world to come, whereof we speak.” God has given us control of the future, and just as Granny left Tobago to settle in the unfamiliar, she stepped on everything in subjection to her and delineated a path never taken in her prior years to live out a life that was not subject just to time and chance. Her tomorrow was clear as day because she commanded it so, shaping her future as a community leader whose choices and mentorship extended beyond the twin isles of her birth and lifelong residence. Granny not only believed in God, but she believed God. 2 Corinthians 4:3-4 confirms the impenetrable relationship she cultivated with the Creator who graciously gave her the power to create/co-create, “3 But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost: 4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.” She sought the truth, therefore obtaining knowledge to increase her understanding to gain the wisdom required to navigate and overcome external forces and  limitations. 

As I look in the mirror, today, I see myself with my Granny’s beautiful, vigilant eyes that saw all that I could become but more importantly choose to become by way of the rich heritage she chose to establish as she continued the motherline - changing the world through education, advocacy for children/families, the elderly, unhoused and incarcerated - remain while loving and raising my four biological children (including twin boys challenged with autism) as a single mother. I see striking, high cheekbones of the fierceness necessary to cut away all blockages that hinder progress in the present and for the future that I see in making the best of the now and preparing for what’s next - thus, I look forward to marrying the knowledge gained in my formal education with the wisdom and skills to navigate institutional politics with equity and unity as the driving force. I see luscious heart shaped lips that speak life to dead bones bringing everything envisioned into existence because I know that I have the power to decree, declare and denounce, depending on what time of day it is - having experienced racism and sexism in various workplaces, I am compelled to use my vision, voice and vocation to do whatever it takes to be a partaker in the “fight”. I see well trained, empowered legs to take me on the journey of a lifetime that would help to construct highways to heaven here on earth, lifting as I climb because that’s just what we do in this line of mothers, generation after generation passing the batons among ourselves to share in the grace and peace of God, ourselves and each other. Just as Granny connected with the young man and even his mother that she never met, I understand that the struggles I encounter are not just for my personal growth, but to educate, encourage and empower those who are easing down the road to a better life to make this a better world. Granny, I tip my hat and toast to the inheritance of your love, life and legacy. Bask in the reward of your “Well done”, Granny Gurl! The entire day is yours! And well, mine too while tomorrow isn’t promised!

Granny, the Matriarch of Many (Top & Center) My mom, Gail Edwards, Founder of Gail Edwards Designs Custom Made Clothing Line (left); My daughter, Abigail Inniss, Co-Founder of BE Brands (center); Yours truly, Ayesha Edwards, Founder of theWoman theWisdom theWonder (right)